


You're You (and that's what makes me smile)

by Bara_no_Uta



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Acceptance, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Danvers Sisters, Demisexual Character, F/F, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 04:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8518177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta
Summary: Based on a tumblr prompt for both Alex and Kara to be asexual spectrum. // Kara says she feels it when she gets close enough to someone, but Alex can tell that as for herself, it's different. She feels so close to Maggie, and she knows she isn't confused, but she still just doesn't get that 'fire' people talk about. And she's fine with it, but she knows Maggie would want her to be honest about it, and... how do you tell your girlfriend you don't want to have sex?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since Alex's coming out to Maggie on Monday, a lot of people (including myself) have been thinking about this possibility, at least for Alex. I thought it would be interesting to explore, so when I saw someone saying they wished there was a fic about this, it seemed like a good opportunity. (Sadly, I lost track of the post!) Also, uh, I apologize if my attempt at describing sexual attraction was a complete fail/overly dramatic. I can only base it off how I've seen other people describe it, which does make it sound pretty dramatic to me (an asexual).
> 
> If you wanna send prompts my way or fangirl about Supergirl or anything, my tumblr is fucking--gorgeous (that's two dashes). I can't promise I'll have time to write any prompts, but given that this is my third fic about Alex in a week-ish, there is a possibility at least!

            Alex settled into Kara’s couch, glad for the pint of ice cream in her hand.

           Kara sat next to her, waiting a while, not starting their movie yet. She could tell something was bothering her, but _usually_ Alex would bring such things up eventually. When she was ready.

            She knew that Kara was aware something was on her mind – could see it in the way her sister looked at her, concern in her features. There wasn’t much reason to put it off, so she brought up the main issue. “I probably need to talk to Maggie about something, but I’m a little worried how she’ll take it.”

            Kara rested her elbow on the back of the couch, turning so she was facing Alex. “What do you need to talk to her about?”

            With a sigh, Alex put her ice cream on the table and mirrored Kara’s position. “I want to be very clear about something: I love her. I’ve… There aren’t a lot of things I’ve ever felt this certain about. That isn’t the issue at all.”

            She nodded. Alex’s feelings for Maggie were obvious in the way her sister looked at her, talked about her… the way she lit up when she even thought about her… She hadn’t seen Alex like that about anybody before, and she was so glad to see her so happy. There was no way that could be anything but love.

            “Do you remember that conversation we had a couple years ago, about sex?” It had been a movie night, much like tonight, and…

            _Alex sighed, trying to figure out how to put words to what she had been feeling somewhat uncertain about for a while. Finally, she began, “Can I ask you something pretty personal and kind of weird? –Bear with me, it’s for a reason, I promise.”_

_“Yeah, of course. You can ask me anything.” Kara smiled, not even really feeling nervous about it. After all, this was Alex, and she doubted there was much of anything she wouldn’t tell her._

_“What does having sex feel like to you?”_

_“Uh…” She couldn’t help the confusion she looked at Alex with. She trusted that Alex did, in fact, have a reason for the question, but without knowing it, she had no idea where to even begin answering it. “Like… what part of it? I’m pretty sure it’s the same for me as it is for humans?” Meaning, she assumed the things she felt and the things Alex felt would be exactly the same._

_She shook her head. “I mean, is it really that… fiery, passion, whatever?”_

_“Sometimes. If it’s with the right person,” she said with a somewhat uncertain shrug. It wasn’t always._

_“And do you really just… look at someone, and immediately you just… want to have sex with them?”_

_Kara frowned, crossing her arms as she thought it over. Want to date them? Yes, it had happened before. Want to have sex with them? Well… “Not really? All my friends from college made it sound like that’s normal, so I don’t know, but I don’t really get that… uh, fired up, over someone I know, like, nothing about.”_

_“But you do when you’re dating?”_

_She nodded. “I don’t know when, exactly, but I guess it’s like, when I feel close enough to them? And then I start to get those feelings.”_

_Alex thought that over. But even with her boyfriends she had been closest to – granted, that wasn’t saying much, but that was just because she had such high walls, she assumed – she had never experienced any of that. “That fire thing? I’ve… never felt it.”_

_“Well, I’m sure it’s different for everybody.” After all, if she could experience it differently from her friends, it wasn’t that surprising or anything if Alex experienced it somewhat differently too._

_Alex shook her head. “No, I think it’s something more than that.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I don’t know, exactly. It’s just… I feel like if it were up to me, I would be happy – happ_ ier _– never having sex again?” She laughed nervously, now that it was out there. She was okay with it herself, but she just… needed understanding from her sister/best friend._

_“Oh.” She tilted her head, thinking it over. “Well… that might be a tough conversation to have with guys, but I mean, if that’s how you feel… don’t force yourself, y’know?” She offered a smile. “I’m here for you. And if some guy finds that a deal-breaker, it wasn’t meant to be anyway.”_

_Alex smiled back, feeling herself relax. “Thank you.”_

_“That’s not something you’ve gotta thank me for.” She put an arm around Alex, who rested her head on Kara’s shoulder. She waited to see if Alex was going to say anything else before asking, “So, what kind of movie are you in the mood for?”_

            Kara smiled, a little amused as she remembered Alex’s bluntly asking her how sex felt. “Yeah, I remember.” She look thoughtful for a second. “Wasn’t that just because they were guys, though?”

            “That’s what I thought, too. I mean, when I realized how I felt about Maggie. It seemed pretty obvious, like, ‘ _That’s_ why I never liked having sex. Because it was with the completely wrong type of people.’ But…” She sighed, then started to explain. “I thought for sure that with Maggie… I mean, she’s a woman, and the other feelings are all there. You said that for you it’s when you feel close enough, and I… I feel _close_ enough to her, like… like, I want to share _everything_ with her, but I still…” Alex shook her head.

            “Don’t feel ‘that’?” There was no way to easily put it into words, but after their conversation before, she guessed that Alex would still remember what ‘that’ felt like to others.

            “Right. I thought maybe it was just because I was nervous – I mean, I’ve never… _been_ with a woman before – but uh, last night, we…” She made an expression meant to indicate, _You know what I mean,_ “…and emotionally, it was nice I guess, but physically, I just… it wasn’t… And it’s not because of _her_. I mean, she’s gorgeous! If I was going to enjoy it with anybody, I’m sure I would with her. And I mean, she’s… you know, experienced, so…” She spread her free arm in a clear _I don’t know_.

            “So, maybe you’re just not into sex.” She said this casually, like it was no big deal at all – because it wasn’t. At least, she didn’t think so.

            Alex smiled. It was still a relief to have Kara accept it so unquestioningly. “That’s kind of what I think. And I’m fine with that.” Her smile faltered. “It’s just, I don’t know how Maggie is going to take it. What if she thinks it’s her? Or that I’m actually confused about my feelings for her? Because it’s not and I’m not.”

            “She’d have to be oblivious not to see the way you feel about her. But, besides, just… explain it to her the way you explained it to me.”

            “Yeah. I’ve gotta talk to her about it.” She looked at Kara for a few seconds before moving so that her back was against the couch again. “I faked it last night. The… well, you know.”

            “Oh.” She cleared her throat before adding, “Uh, no pun intended.”

            That did get a chuckle out of her. “Yeah. I don’t think she noticed – I hope she didn’t – but unlike the guys I’ve been with, I’m pretty sure she’d notice if I made a habit of that.”

            “…Probably.” She put a hand on Alex’s arm. “Well, talk to her about it when you get a chance, okay? Explain it to her like you explained it to me. And let me know how it goes.”

            “Yeah.” She picked her ice cream carton back up. “So, movie time?”

* * *

 

            The good part about their jobs is that they were kept busy enough that Alex knew she had some time before she needed to bring it up, meaning she had some time to think about how to open the conversation. Her coming out as gay to Maggie had been rushed, borne of a need to tell _someone._ She wanted this to be a little more… tactful, maybe. Especially considering the possibility of Maggie taking it personally.

            Finally, she knew she just needed to get it over with. However it went, it seemed important to tell her sooner rather than later. “Hey, can I come over later? Do you want to maybe… watch a movie or something?” Because nobody wanted to hear ‘we need to talk.’ Those were infamous breakup words, and she really, really didn’t want this to mean the end of their relationship.

            “Sure.” She put her hands in her pockets, looking at Alex. Normally she might take those words from a girlfriend as having sexual connotations, but looking into her eyes, Maggie could tell that there was something else on her mind. “Everything okay?”

            She gave a few small nods – not very convincing. “Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine. Call me when you get off work?”

            “Of course.” She didn’t believe for one second that everything was fine, but she could take the cue that this wasn’t the time or place. Alex had suggested they talk about it later, privately, for a reason. “I’ll see you later.”

            Alex nodded. After she left, she texted Kara, “I think I’m going to talk to her about it tonight.”

            Kara replied back shortly after. “Good luck! Don’t worry Maggie loves you I’m sure it’ll be fine. <3”

            “Hope you’re right. I’ll let you know tomorrow how it goes.” She put her phone back in her pocket before getting back to work.

            That evening, she brought a pizza and wine with her to Maggie’s. Maybe that was more of her and Kara’s thing, but it was what she was used to for personal conversations, more often than not. Comfort food.

            “Pizza?” Maggie asked with a smile as she let Alex into her apartment.

            Alex smiled sheepishly. “Well, hey, everyone loves pizza, right?”

            She laughed. “Of course. Thanks.”

            She put the pizza and wine on the table as Maggie got them wine glasses.

            “So,” Maggie said, pouring them each a glass of wine, “What’d you want to talk about?”

            Alex faltered. She wasn’t used to being read that easily. Maybe it was that Maggie was trained in reading people too, or maybe it was because she became easier to read around Maggie, but… she wasn’t quite used to it. She let her guard down around Kara, too, but Kara wasn’t exactly always the best at reading people. She took some of her drink. “Right. That.”

            Maggie sat down next to her, looking at her with a supportive smile. It was obvious that Alex was nervous about something, and this time she had absolutely no idea what it was, so it was making her a little nervous too. But she knew that being rushed wouldn’t make it any easier for her to talk about it.

            She made as though to smooth down the fabric of her jeans, which was pretty pointless since they weren’t wrinkled at all. Her tongue wet her lips. “I love you, Maggie,” she began, then cringed at how obvious the upcoming ‘ _but_ ’ was and the barely concealed worry and heartbreak in Maggie’s eyes as she clearly came to the wrong conclusion. “Wait, wait- that isn’t how it sounds. I’m not breaking up with you.”

            Maggie visibly relaxed. Anything else, they could work through. “Glad to hear it. I love you, too.” She smiled.

            Alex tried to smile back, but it didn’t reach her eyes due to the nerves. “The way that I feel about you, I never thought I would feel about anyone, ever. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. I mean, you’re kind, and smart, and gorgeous, and funny, and—well, you get what I’m saying.” She reached for a slice of pizza, partly so that she had an excuse to look at it instead of Maggie. “Do you remember what I said before about… not really liking intimacy?”

            “Yeah.” She looked at her, curious where this was going. She had a little bit of a guess, but she wasn’t going to put words in Alex’s mouth.

            “I thought it was just because I’m not into guys. I mean, I love… you, and being with you, holding your hand, and cuddling, and all of that, and I trust you so much, but…” She looked up at Maggie, needing to see her reaction. “I don’t think I like sex. If I liked it with anyone, I’m sure it would be you. But all those things people talk about, when they talk about sex? I don’t get it. I’ve never felt it. That… _wanting_ to do it.”

            “Okay.” That seemed to her like the most important thing: letting Alex know that she was okay with it.

            Alex relaxed. The acceptance in Maggie’s eyes told her that, truly, it was okay. “So, what do we do from here?”

            She put a hand on Alex’s arm. “First things first, thank you. For telling me. I never want you to feel like you have to do something you don’t want to. If you don’t want to have sex, we’ll figure something out.”

            Finally, she was able to smile. “Thank you for understanding. I was a little worried you might think it was about _you_ instead of just… what it is.”

            “Nah, I get it. Anyway, it’s not the first time I’ve heard of that. –You know you’re not the only person who feels that way, right?”

            “I’m not?”

            She smiled sadly, remembering what it was like to be the only person she knew with her orientation. Alex seemed to be pretty okay with it, at least, though. “Nah. There’s even a word for it. I mean, I don’t want to put words – or labels – in your mouth, but it sounds like maybe you’re asexual.”

            “Like I’m a what?”

            Maggie tried not to laugh as she clarified, “ _An_ asexual. Like I said, it’s up to you what you do or don’t want to consider yourself. You don’t have to put a label on it.”

            “Okay, but what does that even mean? Asexual.”

            “Someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction.”

            “Maybe that’s it?” She got another slice of pizza, feeling better now. “I don’t know. I don’t really feel like I need a word for it right now.”

            Maggie put an arm around her. “That’s fine, too. You’re you. That’s enough for me.”

            Alex settled comfortably against her, head on Maggie’s shoulder. “I love you.”

            “Love you, too.”


End file.
